What Mom Wants To Hear

Mother's Day sort of crept up on me this year. I have no idea what happened to April or how we got to the second Sunday in May already, but here we are.



As both a mom and a daughter, I have to figure out what to get my mom and figure out what I would like to hint that my husband and daughter get me. My mom is usually easy; she wants a hanging basket and a couple of pots of geraniums to brighten the front of her house. No problem.



I'm pretty easy, too. I ask for the same: some flowers to put in various locations in the front of our house so that I can forget to water them some long weekend in June and kill them. It just wouldn't be summer without this.



But what most moms really, really want can't be found in a store or a nursery or a Hallmark card. I think most of us, especially those of us who juggle careers, small children and/or a pet or two, the laundry, the cooking, etc., want a day where we maybe get to sleep in, or have the house to ourselves for a couple of hours, and maybe if it's not asking too much a good meal that we neither had to shop for nor cook.



This year, with all the troubles I've been having with my ear, I want to indulge myself on Mother's Day by hearing something beautiful. Something loud, too, since my hearing is muffled.



So, here's what I'd like to hear on Sunday. If you're saying it/singing it/playing it, lean into my good ear, would ya?



1. Birds chirping and windchimes chiming through an open bedroom window while sunlight streams in and a breeze blows through the curtains, ruffling the pages of an open magazine. Please note that I did not say I want to hear dogs barking, motorcycles rumbling, or any other side dishes from the banging class. Thank you.



2. "Mommy, have I ever told you how pretty you are and how much I love you? And also that I will never smoke/drink/have premarital sex/ride in a car without a seatbelt?"



3. "No, dear, don't get up. I will answer the phone/get the door/empty the dishwasher/explain to our child for the fifth time why three kids on one trampoline is a bad idea."



4. "Would you like another tequila?"



5. Those crazy kids from Glee singing some mashed-up U2 and Dixie Chicks and Dave Matthews songs, or maybe just a selection of my show-tune favorites. Whatever works for them. Finn having a solo is optional, but Kurt having a solo is mandatory.


6. "Actually, I don't just look like him, I am Jon Hamm. I'm moonlighting today as a Don-Draper-esque delivery guy for some of the moms who watch my show. Here's your hanging basket and a potted geranium."



7. "Mrs. Cranky? The masseuse and pedicurist are ready for you."



Okay, moms: what do you want to hear this mother's day?