Trivia For Dummies

You've gotta be freakin' kidding me.

I saw the commercial for this last night. Really? Seriously? Three levels? Easy, medium, and hard?

If everybody with 3 brain cells knows it, can you call it trivia?

Oh, hell no.

I want Trivial Pursuit to stay MY game. The game I can do well at when I play with my well-educated (aka geeky) friends. The questions are supposed to be hard. That's kinda the point.

I am not an athlete. You will never find me draining 3s on a basketball court or winning the Flying Pig marathon. You will, however, find me with a bunch of pie pieces in my little plastic pie during a cut-throat late-night match of Trivial Pursuit. Especially if my uber-smart librarian friend is on my team.

Please don't take away the prestige in that. I wouldn't ask for you to create an "Easy" category for college basketball that would let me play with the likes of Michael Beasley (who the internets tell my geeky ass was one of the best college basketball players last year). So don't let the intellectual non-elite of the world be able to keep up with me on that wheel-shaped board.

If that sounds harsh, I am sorry. But my brain is the only thing I've got going for me. It is littered with useless facts left over from an expensive liberal arts education that prepared me for little other than binge drinking, graduate school, and, well, Trivial Pursuit.

And the three levels aren't the only change I have a beef with. According to descriptions there will be a track that lets players "steal wedges" (cheat!), "move opponents' pieces" (cheat!), and "more" (cheat cheat cheat!)

That just isn't right.

If you can't run with the big dogs, get off the porch. Go play your own "trivia" game (they already make Trivial Pursuit for Kids!) Leave Trivial Pursuit as that sometimes frustrating game with the questions only the most litter-brained can answer. If you think it's the "genius" edition instead of the "genus" edition because you have no idea what "genus" might mean, leave the game the frack alone.

Leave something sacred to the geeks. Let us continue to be the best at something besides quoting obscure cult movies and fixing problems with your computer.

Thank you.