In the event of zombies, please just hold it in.

So, I was in the bathroom, and I started thinking of The Walking Dead. As one is wont to do.

And I had a serious thought. When you are in the throes of the zombie apocalypse, and you really have to go...how, exactly, does that work?

I mean, I know how it works. But it seems awfully dangerous. Like, everyone in that world is just one bowel movement away from death.

Do the toilets still work in an apocalyptic situation? The sanitation workers are long dead and/or munching on the intestines of others. And there's no electricity. But would the mechanics of a toilet still work?

They were in the prison all season long, and for once, toilets were plentiful. But were they able to use them? Or were they all having to go out to the prison yard for their morning constitutionals? Because the prison yard was not terribly private. And also not real secure. The walkers had an awfully easy time getting through that big, gaping hole in the fence. Would you have to take a bathroom buddy to stand lookout?

I really do not think I could, um...perform...in front of Daryl Dixon. I'm a private type of gal who prefers to keep a little mystery, you know?

In a world that's low on fiber but high on flesh-chomping undead, I'd hate to survive the melee at Hershel's farm only to be undone by occasional irregularity whilst hiking through the Georgia backwoods.

"Wait, wait, stop you guys! Just a minute! I'm doing to duck behind this tree, and..."

Raaaaawr chomp munch munch

And then Rick would have to shoot me in the head, and I would die just about the most senseless death possible in the zombie apocalypse.

HERE LIES CRANKY
WHEN SHE HAD TO GO,
SHE HAD TO GO

Ugh. I am so glad we do not live in that world. For a lot of reasons. But primarily for the personal hygiene.