Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Great Debate

I do so love drinking games.

Now, now, don't go worrying about my liver or calling CompCare. I don't love them as a means of getting drunk (that's what this is for) but rather as an exercise in parody and wit. Making fun of things, if you will.

This has been going on since college. I can pinpoint my love of making "Drink when..." rules to the Army of Darkness game where we came up with the grand idea of taking a drink every time Bruce Campbell over-acted. This being a very subjective thing, someone called out, "Drink!" every 10 seconds and even though we were just drinking beer, we had to stop the movie halfway through to walk to Super America to buy Little Debbie Fudge Rounds to sober up a little and make it through the rest of the evening's activities.

Since then I've moved on to modifying the Rachel Ray drinking game (drink every time she says "yum-o," "delish," "EVOO," "I don't bake," "garbage bowl", or any of the other things she does that make you crazy) and wishing I had both the wit and the sports knowledge to update the UK basketball drinking game DD sent me a few years ago around tournament time when it was painfully obvious UK was on a downhill spiral (among the rules of that one that are still relevant: drink every time someone mentions Duke even though UK's not playing them; if Billy Packer is calling the game, just shotgun during the whole game so as to lessen the pain.)

Which bring me to tomorrow night.

Unless one of the guys doesn't, you know, show up, there's supposed to be a presidential debate tomorrow evening. Even though you know at this point which of the two candidates I favor, I am not so close-minded as to believe that he's perfect and off-limits in the poking fun department. So I am coming up with some bipartisan rules for a 2008 debate drinking game. Feel free to add your own.

Drink every time....

McCain starts an answer with, "My friends..." or Obama starts an answer with, "Look...":

McCain says "inexperience" or Obama says, "more of the same" or "Washington establishment."

Obama says, "Change" (with a capital C) or McCain says, "maverick."

Obama says, "Community organizer" or McCain says, "POW."

Either candidate says, "um..." or "uh..."

And then be on the lookout for tics. Everybody's got one; Bush blinked more than normal humans do, and Gore sighed and rolled his eyes. The first time you notice an interesting nervous habit from one of the candidates, shout it out and add it to your party's list.

Finally, if anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, says "lipstick on a pig," in any context, even if it's a moderator's question, even if Miss Piggy makes a cameo, then we are truly on a road to chaos and you should just walk yourself to the kitchen, get yourself a fresh drink, and chug it until you are able to pass out comfortably in your bed.

That's the beauty of the great American drinking game; it's a living, breathing, adaptable thing. Much like our constitution! See, it's perfect for a debate.

Chime in below with any new suggestions...


Robert K. said...

Drink whenever either candidate promises to balance the budget while simultaneously promising new government programs but without raising taxes!

Drink whenever either candidate blames "greedy businessmen" or "predatory lenders" for the current mess on Wall Street, instead of bad regulatory oversight!

Drink whenever either candidate follows up a compliment about the other candidate (Obama as historic candidate, McCain as war hero) with a blisteringly harsh personal attack!

Drink whenever you wish we had two REAL candidates for president instead of these two nimrods, and keep drinking until you stop caring, or pass out, whichever comes first.

It makes me want to weep. It really does.

Vote Libertarian! Sure they're all a bunch of pot-smoking, tax-dodging, gun-toting professional whiners, but shouldn't they get the same chance to screw up the country as the Demo-publicans? ;)

Rick Hibbets said...

What we should have done was down a shot every time Obama said McCain was right:

“I think Senator McCain’s absolutely right that we need more responsibility…”

“Senator McCain is absolutely right that the earmarks process has been abused…”

“He’s also right that oftentimes lobbyists and special interests are the ones that are introducing these…requests…”

“John mentioned the fact that business taxes on paper are high in this country, and he’s absolutely right…”

“John is right we have to make cuts…”

“Senator McCain is absolutely right that the violence has been reduced as a consequence of the extraordinary sacrifice of our troops and our military families…”

“John — you’re absolutely right that presidents have to be prudent in what they say…”

“Senator McCain is absolutely right, we cannot tolerate a nuclear Iran…”

I'd be pretty darn drunk after that.