Letter to a Sweat Hog

I wrote the following letter by hand during a break from a workshop last Friday and found it in my car this morning. After you read it, you'll see that they don't call me Cranky for nothing.

To the guy who hogged the leg press last night at the gym:

Hi! You probably don't remember me, but we both worked out yesterday afternoon. See, Thursday is my designated lower-body workout day, and I couldn't help but notice you because of your, um, affinity for the leg press machine.

I know our gym is currently replacing some of their equipment and that all of their old weight machines were moved out of the weight room downstairs, and apparently you are a leg man. Hey, no biggie. I like to work on my legs, too. We all were having to do our resistance training upstairs in the circuit training area yesterday, and there are only 3 leg-centered machines up there. So we were all sharing the limited equipment. All of us, that is, but you.

I like to start with the leg press, but you were using it when I arrived. So I moved through the rest of the circuit, keeping an eye on you and your favorite machine.

Not that I needed to keep an eye on you. I could hear you quite well throughout the circuit what with your grunts and groans and exclamations of muscular distress. You also startled us all with the occasional curse at the end of a set. I have to admit that I felt a little embarrassed for you, dude. Keep that in the bedroom next time.

The entire 20 minutes I worked out with weights, you stayed on the leg press. You lifted with both legs. You lifted with one leg. You did calf flexes. You made it your own personal Bowflex. And that's not cool.

After you were finished tying up 1 of only 3 leg machines available, I had exactly one minute left to finish my workout before I had to retrieve Ainsley from swim lessons. And of course, you had not wiped your 20 minutes worth of sweat off the machine before you left it. I want to thank you for that.

In closing, I just want you to know that being a gym-equipment hog just ain't right. Sure, you got a great workout, I guess (not sure why you're so obsessed with your quads, but whatevs), but the rest of us (and there were several of us working through the circuit, doing a few reps on each machine, giving you dirty looks when we had to skip past you and your beloved) got a little slighted. I know, I know, there used to be more machines downstairs, and there will be brand new equipment this time next week, but I've dealt with your type before. Some of y'all like to claim a machine and live on it.

Please be considerate. Be aware. Share. That's all I ask.

Sincerely,

A Cranky Librarian Just Trying to Get Fit