Goodbyes Suck

So Ainsley was in a foul mood all afternoon yesterday. She was very whiny, and little things set her off and made her cry. She got most upset when she told me that Evan's dad was bringing in pizza the next day, and Maddie's mom was making cupcakes, and I just had to take something to school. When her school is having a special party or something, they always put signs up to let us know to pack the kids a lunch or bring in a treat, and since I hadn't seen that, I figured she was confused and that the class party was next week. She burst into tears after trying to convince me for the third time that I had to bring in something.

The truth came out last night after her bath. As I was getting her into her jammies she looked at me with big, sad eyes (kinda like Puss in Boots from Shrek 2) and said, "I will miss Maddie. Tomorrow's her last day and she was my bestest friend."

Gah.

Maddie (aka Madison) has been at Ainsley's preschool/daycare ever since Ainsley started there, and she's the girl who Ainsley plays with the most (there's a little boy there who is practically inseparable from Ainsley and who Ainsley says she will marry someday.) Her mom sent out an invite a couple of months ago for a girls-only playdate and I meant to call her and get the girls together and forgot to do so; now I feel bad for not following up on that or at the very least writing down Maddie's phone number so I could offer that as a comfort for Ainsley as she struggles with her friend's departure.

As I pulled Ains in for a big hug, I took the opportunity to teach her a sad but important lesson: people come into and out of our lives, and sometimes we have to say goodbye to people we love. I told her to give Maddie a big hug and tell her that she's been a good friend. I also told her that she would meet so many new people at "big kids' school" next year and have so many new friends that she wouldn't be sad for long.

I had been having a bad day myself yesterday, so after Ainsley got in bed I got a major case of the blues. I had my 6-month cancer CT scan yesterday, Jason's mom is having some more breathing problems, and my own mom has a cold she can't shake. I started thinking about what I think just might be the saddest song in the history of country music (and that's saying a lot): Patty Loveless's "How Can I Help You Say Goodbye." It starts out with Patty singing about being a little girl moving away with her mom, and watching her best friend get smaller and smaller through the rear view mirror as the car pulls away. The chorus is her mom saying,

Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing
Nothing ever stays the same...

How can I help you
To say goodbye?
It's okay to hurt
And it's okay to cry
Come let me hold you
And I will try
How can I help you
Say goodbye?

The next verse Patty is grown up and sitting on the edge of the bed as her husband packs his things to leave her, and she calls her mom who tells her the words in the chorus again. Then in the last verse (get ready for it; grab some Kleenex) Patty is sitting on the end of her mama's hospital bed crying because her mom is dying and, you guessed it, mama repeats the chorus.

You crying yet? I am.

Ainsley is learning about goodbyes today, and it's a heartbreaking lesson. I have been saying goodbyes for a long time now, and the pain isn't any less. It hurts to know that goodbyes are inevitable; if we are to live full, rich lives, we are going to know countless people who, for various reasons, are going to step out of our lives. If we're extremely lucky, we may run into those people again someday. But it's never the same. And some people leave us for good; if we live to a ripe old age, we are going to have to say goodbye to our grandparents, parents, friends, and even siblings as they leave our world to exist in another.

So the best I can do to prepare my daughter is to hold her tight and try to ease her pain. To let her know she should make it a happy goodbye and to always tell the person how much s/he means to her.

And to make sure she has treats to take to the farewell party; pizza and cupcakes always make the parting a little sweeter.