So Much Fun You'll Split Your Pants

Ever had one of those days at work? Where nothing goes right? Where you find yourself driving back home to change after you've been there less than an hour because you split your pants clean open?

Just me? Really?

I will preface this by saying that today's wardrobe malfunction had nothing to do with gaining weight. In fact, I've lost weight. I was out sick yesterday with what my doctor referred to as "coarse breath sounds in the right lung" and had to have a chest x-ray which may end up showing "walking" pneumonia. And I just thought allergy season had come early! Oh, silly me.

Even with my breathing problems and fever yesterday (how can I detect that Ainsley has a fever from a room away but have no idea when I've drifted above simmer?) I decided that this last week before spring break must be worked and I dragged myself in today to work unless the doctor's office calls with bad news about the x-ray. I don't feel healthy, but I've actually come to work feeling worse, so I figured it would work out.

I work a job where I am the only person who does what I do in the whole building. So when I'm out for a day, I always have a couple of hours of pure chaos putting out fires that popped up while I was gone. It's stressful enough to make me drag my carcass in even though I may have, you know, pneumonia. This morning the last fire I tackled from yesterday's absence was the small matter of a soda can (that wasn't even mine!) getting too cold and exploding in the library office's mini-fridge over the weekend. Nothing like days-old syrup to welcome you back.

As I crouched down scrubbing off the worst of the mess, I felt something cold on my upper thigh. Since much of the cleanup involved icy flakes of Coke, I figured I got a splot on my pants and bummer though that was, I just kept going, wandering out of the office to get clean paper towels and rinse the mess out in our sink.

When I got a strange look from one of my student aides, I finally looked down and realized I had split my time-worn Gap khakis from midway down the zipper seam to mid thigh.

Let's just say I am glad I didn't put the sexy panties on today. And also glad I wore a jacket this morning that helped to camouflage the rip on my way out the door.

When you work in a building with 1600 teenagers, you curse the days that you spill coffee on yourself or eat a spinach salad for lunch that leaves green stuff in your teeth.

But most cursed are the days you split your pants.